Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Found the puke drawer
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
