I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
