dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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