you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
