The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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