i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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