We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
