he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
