Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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