You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
