i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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