just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
