so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
