We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
