Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
