I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
