her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
