a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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