I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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