I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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