I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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