I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
