Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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