dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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