Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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