i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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