those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
