Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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