I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
