my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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