Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
