At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
