Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
