I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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