I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
