As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
