I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
