GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize