so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I will pee on everything he values.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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