You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
