just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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