I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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