i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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