i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
