I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
