It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
