just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
