she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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