im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sobbing to NWA
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
