He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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