the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
