I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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