final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
