Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
