i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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