I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
