I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
