I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
