No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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