I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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