never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
