I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
