this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
