Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
