There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
