I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
